It's Beginning to Feel Like Christmas

I'm not sure when I have a more relaxing holiday season. I actually sent out a Christmas letter. I have my shopping done. I baked some cookies. We put up a few decorations. We went several Christmas concerts. The handbells at the Kennedy Center were especially good.

We also went to several Christmas parties. On Tuesday, I went to a Christmas brunch with a bunch of ladies with whom I am in a Bible study. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was back in the hills of Northern Fauquier Co. in horse country. The view from the front porch was breathtaking. If laughter is truly the best medicine, I should be in the peak of health. We had a marvelous time.

Not having a job outside the home has been a lot fun. I am getting so spoiled.

A Merry CHRISTmas to you all, and a blessed New Year.

"Funny Looking"

Those with bald pates can commiserate. I never fully understood before. Not having hair is very hot in the summer and extremely cold in the winter. I never knew that the hair was such a great insulation against heat and cold. This winter, I have had to resort to stocking caps and furry hats to keep warm.

Yesterday I went to church in a shawl and a hat (I thought the hat was more dressy then the a stocking cap). Most people have been very encouraging, telling me I should just wear whatever makes me comfortable. The ladies that like what I wear tell me. Those that don't, I suspect, politely keep their mouths closed.

Yesterday one of the men had the audacity to speak his mind. I was humored. The women who heard him were horrified. He told me I look funny with my hat. I immediately got several compliments from the women who were, I suppose, trying to sooth my ruffled feathers. I told him that he would think I looked even funnier if I didn't have the hat on.

His wife chimed in, "______, I just told her she looks nice. She is doing the best she can. She needs all the encouragement she can get." She was obviously trying to smooth over the situation in the best way she knew how. I felt like they were maybe both in a bit deeper then either one realized.

But the man summed it up better then I could have myself. "Oh well, you know where it came from." I have gotten many a good chuckle about that little exchange since then. They meant well--bless their hearts.

By the way, there is a little fuzz returning. There is hope.

Surgery--Part II

My surgery went just as scheduled. I was under anesthesia about three hours. The surgery itself took about two hours. The Dr. told Bill that the initial report (which is 80% accurate) showed no lymph node involvement.

We got the results from the advanced pathology report today. It confirmed that there was no lymph node involvement and that my margins were clear, indicating that I don't need more surgery!! Praise God!!

We feel humbled and blessed by God's answer to our prayers. We continue to trust Him to work in our lives in the way that He sees best.

We got home from the hospital around 1:30 on Wednesday. Though things went well at the hospital and I had excellent care, we are so glad to be at home. I feel like I am on the mend, and hope to be functioning normally soon. Thanks for your prayers!!

Surgery

Just to let you know--I am having surgery tomorrow--November 13. I am the first surgery on my Dr.'s schedule. Since we need to go up this afternoon for some pre-op stuff, and because we need to be back at UVA at 6:00 in the morning, we decided to spend the night in a hotel close to the hospital.

Thanks for your prayers!!

Moving Experience

What am I?

I can take a long time. During the process, the people's lives who are involved are usually in chaos. I add a lot of stress to their lives. I cause them to despair at all their belongings. Suddenly, many things seem like junk. There is a mad dash to pack up boxes, and an equally mad dash to get them unpacked. Of course, you guessed by now I am a move.

We just moved--not to far--just across the street. We had been living in my sister and hubby's basement apartment. Their house had been on the market for quite a while. It finally sold--which is a miracle around here with the housing market being stagnant. So we started looking for a house. Though I just finished my chemo treatments on Oct. 18, I still have surgery on November 13, plus radiation following that. So we weren't ready to make our major move to NC until I done with treatment and sufficiently energetic to make it happen.

The house search proved to be quite frustrating. We realized that most people don't want to rent short term. Most of the houses were out of our budget, if indeed, they would let us rent for as little as six months. We prayed and got our family and friends to pray. About two weeks before the move actually took place we found two--not one--houses that met our criteria. Both were within five miles of Maria's school. The one we decided on was just across the street from where we had been living. A rental house of my brother-in-law's opened up unexpectedly. Isn't God good?! We can store all our stuff here instead of renting additional storage. We can keep carpooling for school with two other families on this street. I can look out my kitchen window and watch the birds on the bird feeder.

Maria and I emptied another pile of boxes today. The stack continues to shrink. We are more determined then ever to get rid of a bunch of stuff before we move again. Plus, we left a lot of stuff packed, and don't plan to unpack them until we get to NC. Hopefully our next move will be simplified.

Meanwhile, we are grateful for a roof over our heads. Slowly, this house is taking shape. I still look for things. I had some wonderful help to unpack one day. I told them to put stuff where it seemed logical to them. They did a great job! But I haven't figured it all out yet. I am still missing my Stir Crazy popcorn popper. I was really hoping to find that before Sunday.:)

The most wonderful thing about a home, however, is not the house or things but the people that inhabit it. I have a wonderful family!!

FRIENDS

Within the last several days, I had the opportunity to see and reconnect with two dear friends from my past. Sunday afternoon, Phyllis and her family stopped in. As a child we spent many Sunday afternoons together, roaming about on her family's farm, or on my family's farm, discussing the meaning of life through the eyes of a 8-15 year old. Fast forward thirty+ years (ouch--that makes me feel so old)--she has eight children, ranging from the early twenties to a three-year old. There were all along, except the oldest one. He is married and just three months ago blessed them with their first grandbaby. It was such a delight to see her and her lovely family. She still has the same sense of humor, chuckle, and caring spirit. Her and her husband operate a goat dairy in Texas.

Last night I saw Judy. We were housemates as adults for three years. We both got married in our thirties. We hadn't seen each other since either one of us have children. Our oldest children are both nine-year olds. She has a total of five children, I have one child. We just had time to meet for supper. Her 11 month old baby was with her. It was such a teaser. We barely got started before it was time for her leave. But it was still worth it--even if the time was limited. As Anne Shirley would say, she is a "kindred spirit." But Oregon is so far away to see each other on a regular basis.

It is hard to describe what it did for me to see my friends. It connects me with my past. It makes me very nostalgic. It encourages and blesses me. It was like a cold glass of rasberry tea (my favorite) on a hot, humid summer day. God is obviously at work in the lives of my two friends. That is biggest encouragement of all.

Laundry and Other Trivia

I came from a big family--I have eleven siblings. I still remember Monday morning wash day and the huge mountain of laundry . I admit, it was not one of my favorite days of the week. We used a wringer washer. By the time you got all the clothes lines full, the Kansas wind had dried what you had hung out first. You would empty a line and start the process over. There was often four or five loads of just jeans. We had an automatic washer too for in between times, but I wish I would have counted the loads of laundry we would often do on Monday.

Fast forward to today. We are a family of three. How in the world can three people create so much laundry!? I had most of my laundry caught up on Thursday. This morning I have a huge amount of laundry to do.

Last Friday and Saturday our family went to Va. Beach. Maria had a break from school. We spent most of our time by the water. No, I didn't jump any waves this time, but Bill and Maria sure had a lot of fun doing that. I enjoyed being mesmerized by the tide, foam, and the sheer power of the ocean.

While walking the boardwalk, I decided to sit on a bench and watch people while Maria and Bill went on ahead. I really didn't think I looked that glum, but a guy came along, pointed at me, then pointed to his face to tell me to smile. I watched him as he went on up the boardwalk. He continued doing this to whoever he could get to hold still long enough to give them his message.
The can in his hand indicated that he may have been quite full of something other then the Holy Spirit. Nonetheless, it is pretty harmless, yet unusual for someone to tell you to smile. Bill and Maria got up the next morning to see the sunrise over the ocean. He was out there still doing the same thing. Maybe his message to humanity is to smile.

When we travel we always like to see how many different states we can spot on license plates. I believe we set a new record--in two days we spotted 35 different states, including Alaska and Hawaii, plus Washington D. C. and Quebec.

We came home in time on Saturday to have a delicious meal at Aunt Rhoda's house. Tom & Elsie, Rich & Jenn were also lucky guests.

This is not trivia--Faith Christian Fellowship is having revival meetings this week. Delmar
Bontrager from Kalona, Iowa is the speaker. We have enjoyed his messages so far.

Things went quite well after this round of treatment. I had the proper medicine this time to ward off the side effects before they got so severe. I haven't taken any medication the last two days, so I should be on easy street until my next treatment on the 26th.

Have a blessed week!!

The Lake of Woes and Barnabas

For those who think I am always upbeat--you haven't lived with me the last three weeks. I had an unexpected bout with the blues. I must confess, it would literally take nothing to start the waterworks. The worst part about it was, I couldn't turn them off--even when I tried. I called it my Lake of Woes, which I was knew my tears were enlarging rapidly. I was sure it was because of the new medication I was on. What else had changed? Emma, my dear friend and mentor who is a breast cancer survivor wasn't so convinced. She said she had just remarked to her husband, "I wonder when Dorcas is going to crash?" She assured me that crashing is okay. I had lost a lot, and I needed to grieve over my losses. My dear hubby who often knows me better then I know myself, wasn't convinced it was the medicine either. He said he sensed it coming. When I saw my Dr.yesterday, she justified my case a little bit. She said all the steriods I have been on could definitely contribute to feeling blue. She told me to just hang there--this will all pass.

This came at a very inconvenient time. We were to go to a wedding in S.C. where we lived for seven years. We haven't visited in over a year, so we were really looking forward to going and seeing all our dear friends. The wedding was on Saturday, then back to church on Sunday and a fellowship meal afterwards, where we are still members. The people have been so kind and so supportive in such innumerable and important ways since we started this cancer journey. That in itself would have been emotional... Since I was not the bride or the groom's mother, it did not feel appropriate to sit and cry through the service, which I was sure was what was going to happen, just seeing all my dear friends.

Bill called me from work on Thursday and told me that he has been doing a lot of thinking. He wonders if I am really up to going. If I didn't feel up to going, it is really okay. Did I ever say how unselfish my husband is?! I knew how much he was looking forward to the trip. I really did not want to disappoint Maria either. I had been looking forward to it too. But I knew that we shouldn't go. I felt such a sense of freedom to have my family release me from that guilt of letting them down.

The compromise was for us to go see Uncle Olie and Aunt Lydia and the girls in Hagerstown--less then 2 hours away and we were gone for two days, instead of a nine hour trip, being gone for four days. We had a wonderfully relaxing time!!

This p0st is getting too long, but I have to move on. Sunday at Olie's church we heard a wonderful sermon about Barnabas. Actually Barnabas was a nickname he received. His real name was Joseph (see Acts 4:36). Barnabas means S0n of Encouragement. The preacher talked about important a ministry encouragement is in the life of the church.

One of the hard things about my journey with cancer has been that it feels like I am always on the receiving end of things. That is kind of hard on my pride. But God showed me through Emma and through the minister that it is okay to be on the receiving end, so that other people can be blessed by being encouragers.

God showed me how people have been a Barnabas to me, even through this blue time. Let me just give you a few examples just from the last three weeks. My sister-in-law and niece announced that they were coming to clean my house. A dear friend from S.C. sent me an encouraging card and letter in the mail. We enjoyed a wonderful weekend with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. A dear friend dropped by and spend three hours just visiting me and hearing my heart. A sister-in-law called and offered to sew a dress for Maria and me. Several meals were brought in. God is so good. He really is taking care of us.

If He wants to use me crashed--that's okay. He says that when I am weak He is strong. Isn't that precious?! I have to say--things have been going much better this past week. I am truly grateful for that. I have been trying to be authentic with God about my losses and trying to figure why I am blue when I am. But the exciting thing was when I looked at the losses--so far, they were all temporary. I needed to remind myself of that.

Thanks for letting me bear my soul. I promised God I would really try to hear His voice and understand what He is trying to teach me. Part of that is being honest about my walk with Him. It is so wonderful to know that He is there all the time--even it doesn't feel like He is there. I know that because He has promised it!! He hasn't broken any of His promises!!

The Attitude of Gratitude

Twice in the past week, God has been bringing to my attention the importance of a grateful spirit. I have been reading the book, Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathmach. One of the ways that she cultivates a grateful spirit is by keeping a notebook in which she daily writes five things that she is thankful for. She said it has dramatically changed her life. She is out looking for things to be thankful for instead of things to whine about.

I stayed home on Sunday morning because I wasn't feeling well. Bill's aunt had loaned me two tapes that she had gotten from her daughter. These tapes were from a ladies' retreat at her daughter's church. Cynthia Brubaker, a very dear friend of mine, was the speaker. She very powerfully--through Scripture and through life examples painted a picture of the beauty of thanksgiving.

Twice in one week was enough to get my attention. I don't think God is asking to be thankful for bad things. Sickness, calamity, pain, and death were not God's idea at all. They are a result of sinful mankind. He created a world of perfection. But God, the great Redeemer, can redeem these bad things for His glory. It is in those things that we can always give thanks.

I haven't bought my notebook yet. I haven't been to the store. But I want to develop the habit of gratitude in my life. So I will start by naming five things I am grateful for today.

1. My daughter, Maria. She set her alarm and got up and made me breakfast in bed because she knew I wasn't feeling well. Then she cleaned up the messy kitchen.

2. Rain. We desperately needed it. We got a little over an inch in the last 24 hours.

3. My friend, Kim, who calls me often to see how I am doing, or if I need anything.

4. My prayer warriors--you all who have prayed for me. You often check up on me to see how things are going.

5. For God's grace that takes me through each day.

6. I just have to add one more--Aunt Cora just walked in the door with 5 loaves of freshly baked 100% whole wheat bread.

Now a brief update on my health. They changed my medication. I had my fifth round of chemo on Thursday. The first few days I felt terrific. But by Saturday night the picture had changed. I get to deal with a whole set of side effects. I still don't feel like running a marathon, but I do feel a bit better then I did the last several days, so hopefully, things are looking up!
5 treatments down and 3 to go!!!

Tests--Passed and Failed

Thursday I had my fourth round of chemo--YEAH!! That means I am officially 1/2 done with chemo. They will start me on another round of chemo drugs for the next half. That means no more Adreimisum (I am sure that is spelled wrong, but I can't find Bill's drug book), or the "Red Devil" drug as they call it in the infusion clinic. It is aptly so named because of its side effects, but it has also done a wonderful job in shrinking my mass. I will gladly deal with those if it heals my body.

Now to the tests I was referring to in my title. On one my scans they thought they saw an abnormality on the base of my tongue that they felt should be checked out. So on Thursday I went to yet another Dr. to get this done. The intern came in first and tried to get all the background info she could and to do an initial exam. I warned her that I have a very sensitive gag reflex, and wan't sure how this would go. First she tried to exam the area with a tongue depressor with no success. I won't bore you with the details. Then she tried her gloved hands. That was even a greater disaster. I confess, I think I may have even clamped down on her finger briefly. I was so embarrassed. I am afraid that chalked up as a test failed. When the Dr. came in, he tried very briefly. He quickly resorted to having a tube with a camera stuck through my nose. They were able to do the exam. Everything looked perfectly normal. I passed that test.

I admit--I was a bit of a grump this time around. It was hard to go in there and go through this all again. I felt like I failed the test of cheerfulness, especially around my poor hubby, and he was trying to be so supportive. But I felt like he blew it when the nurse said we will have to wait a while to see the Dr. as she is doing a bone marrow biopsy, and it will be awhile. I thought she said she was going to give me a bone marrow biopsy. Right after she walked out the door, Bill told me how horribly those things hurt. "You ask anyone who has them and they are very painful." I thanked him for his "fine" encouragement. It wasn't until about 20 minutes later that we discovered the misunderstanding. We had our first good laugh for the day. The infusion itself went quite well, and we got home a half hour earlier we ever had before.

This past week has been a good reality check for me. In my world of friends and acquaintances, there are so many needs--some of are carrying much bigger burdens then I am bearing. As I pray for them, I often ask for God to give them grace. He promised to give it at the measure it is needed. That is such a comfort. We personally have felt the reality of that promise. Some of them need so much right now.

Happy Anniversary to Us!!

Saturday we went to Bill's nephew's wedding. It was good to hear another good wedding sermon. It was also great to see a lot of his family and to interact with them again.

I was feeling especially nostalgic about the wedding because our anniversary was yesterday.
It is wonderful being married to such a kind, thoughtful, helpful, loving man. Oh, and did I mention he is a great leader in our home, and an awesome provider. He takes family responsibilities very seriously. I am blessed abundantly!! Marrying Bill was one of the best decisions I ever made.

GOOD NEWS!!

I went to see my surgeon last week. He gave us some great news. The tumor I have grew very rapidly. It was quite frightening. That is one of the main reasons we decided to go with chemo before surgery. He told us that the mass had shrunk from 8 cm. to 2 cm. after just two rounds of chemo! We are so happy, and so grateful! God is answering so many of your prayers and our prayers. It is a humbling experience. We promised that God would get the glory for whatever He chooses to do. We want to be sure that He indeed does get the glory. He is the Force behind all healing. Join us in thanking Him!!

Switching subjects--My in-laws are here. We had a very enjoyable peak in history yesterday. We went on a drive through the Catlett area. Bill's dad pointed out all kinds of interesting things along the way. That was the farm his father was going to manage when he moved to Catlett. After he found out what the job involved, he decided he couldn't work there afterall. That was the house Uncle Harvey or Uncle Davey or "you name it" lived in or built. This was the farm that his Dad bought. This is the farm that he worked on for four years. He was so disappointed when he got to the place where he and Mom had first lived when they got married. It had been destroyed so they could put in a development. He talked about when Cora was about to be born. He had taken Anna Mary to the hospital. They told him that the baby wasn't going to be born for awhile, and that he needed to go home. He walked all the way from Warrenton to the the other side of Nokesville to go home. As the roads go, that would have been at least 20 miles. I asked him why he didn't call someone to pick him up. He said, "You just didn't do things like that." He said it was a horrible walk because he was sure Anna Mary was going to die in childbirth. She lived, and she went through childbirth twelve more times. I don't know how many fields he plowed, basements he dug, woods he hunted in, in the Catlett area.

I could tell he was feeling a lot of nostalgia and wistfulness of days gone by that you never go back to. So much of his life history is here. A lot of his children and grandchildren are still in the area. Anna Mary (Bill's mother) passed away in 1991. He then married a wonderful lady we call Fannie or Grandma. He now lives in Minnesota and they get back here once or twice or a year.

It makes me wonder what my perspective of life will be when I am 72 years old. We need to live well now, so we can look back with fondness, not regret.

Hairy Issues

You guessed it--I don't have hair anymore. When I read in my Bible that God has the hairs on my head numbered, I had to smile. I know that God doesn't need a guage to keep track--but it helped me to picture this room full of gauges called the the Hair Count Room. The day I lost my hair, there must have been a loud whir at my gauge as it whirled wildly back to zero. I know in the grand scheme of things, hair is not life-giving or life sustaining, but it is nice to know that God cares about things like that.

My Dad made a brief visit recently. As he stroked his bald pate, he said very sympathetically, "At least yours will grow back?"

Hair has been a big issue for me. I started getting gray very young. For all you "hair enhanceres"--I feel your pain:). I have been there--done that. I finally decided to give up the fight and let nature take its shocking course. I have finally gotten to the point that gray is okay.

The question is now, what color wig should I get? Or should I even get a wig? Someone suggested I get a red one to match Maria's hair. I believe that would make me smile as I look in the mirror. I am just not sure what to do... Your suggestions please...

They say that when the hair grows back, it often changes texture and even color. Wouldn't that be a riot! I would love to get my dark brown hair back. But if I don't--gray is okay. Afterall, it is definitely better then no hair at all.

It is easier to stay upbeat when you feel great! The last couple of days have been kind of rough. I continue to need your prayers so I can stay focused on God and his abundant grace rather then the temporary discomforts of fighting cancer with chemo.

Let's Dish

I had a great day yesterday! Several of our friends went together and bought us a bunch of 12 meals (I split the recipes in half, since they were made for six people) at a place called Let's Dish. My friend, Vonnie, and I went together. She was dishing too. The large room you walk into exudes energy. The vibrant lime green and orange walls along with the green aprons and polka dot kerchiefs adorning most people's heads made you want to get right to work. The upbeat music put you into motion too.

There are about twelve work stations set up with a recipe and ingredients for the dish on each work station. You combine the ingredients, and package them in freezer bags. They provide labels with how to prepare them when you get them out of your freezer. They also had a snack bar with drinks and some samples of the desserts they sell. Two hours later I walked out with 24 meals for my freezer, and Vonnie had twelve meals (she has a bigger family). I can't wait to try some of them. They look delicious. We had a great time--definitely a "confetti moment!", as I and some of my friends refer to such occasions. For more details, check out letsdish.com.

Thank you, Dave, Vonnie, Myrna, Merry, Nate, Anne, & Alfy. We are humbled by your generosity.

Another Week

This past week was the first official week of summer vacation. Monday was Award's Day and the school picnic. So my official duties with a deadline at school are over. I need to finish the permanent records, clean out my desk, and place the orders for the beginning on next year. Then I will be all done. I decided to take the rest of the week off.

Friday night we went to Warrenton to take family pictures before I lose my hair. Tom and Elsie were our photographers. It was great fun. Warrenton is lovely little town. It reminds us a lot of Brevard--the town we are moving close to in NC.

Two thoughts on the cancer journey--If I don't have any hair, I guess I won't have any bad hair days:) The next is a lot more profound. I was talking to my father-in-law on the phone last night. I told him about a conversation I was having with God. I told the Lord that He will have to get us through this one day at a time, because I don't know how else we will manage. He told me, "That is the only way anyone gets through life, because that is all we have--just one day at a time. Most people just don't realize it."

Have a lovely week!!

Doing Well

We got through Wednesday in relatively good shape. I ate a little at 4:45 a.m. because I wasn't allowed to eat after 5:00 due to the port placement. We left the house at 5:30 and didn't get back until 7:00 in the evening. It was a long day.

The port placement was a bit more involved then I knew. They inserted an object about the diameter of a quarter and about 1/2 inch thick. Attached to it was a line at least a foot long that they threaded through an vein. I have actually had more discomfort from that procedure then with the chemo. The nausea medicine they give these days are great!!

We also got the PET results back on Monday morning. The tech who did it on Friday asked a few disconcerting questions after looking at the scan, but was unable to tell us anything. But my Doctor called me first thing on Monday, and said it looked really good. Nothing showed up on the scan. The scan was taken to see if there was any cancer anywhere else in my body, particularly in my lymph nodes. This is not a 100% accurate test, but is very helpful in knowing what we are dealing with. He said so far I have beaten all the odds!! PTL!!

Lois had hamburgers from the grill ready for when we got back. They have such a blessing to us. It is so nice to have someplace for Maria to stay that is so convenient and that she feels so comfortable.

Zap 'em

Tomorrow morning we leave the house at 5:30 to head to Charlottesville for my first round of chemo. I have about three other appointments as well--one is putting in a port so I don't have to get stuck so often.
I have been imagining chemo to be like a big a zapping machine. I hope it's in the zapping mood tomorrow. I am ready to zap a lot of cancer cells.

First Entry

I have been an ardent observer in the blogging world. I have decided to throw my hat into the ring, and actually start my own blog.

My world the last two years has largely been focused on Faith Christian School. The students there have been become very special to me. Next week, however, on the 22nd, that chapter of my life will be closing. I am not planning on teaching next year.

Our plans were to move to Brevard, North Carolina this summer. We purchased a home there last summer and have been renting it out through a rental agency since then. But those plans have been put on hold. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on April 26. We would like to work through treatment before making such a major move. We have a lot of family support here that we won't have in North Carolina. I hoping that this blog will be a way to keep you updated concerning this journey we have been asked to make.

Dorcas