Twice in the past week, God has been bringing to my attention the importance of a grateful spirit. I have been reading the book, Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathmach. One of the ways that she cultivates a grateful spirit is by keeping a notebook in which she daily writes five things that she is thankful for. She said it has dramatically changed her life. She is out looking for things to be thankful for instead of things to whine about.
I stayed home on Sunday morning because I wasn't feeling well. Bill's aunt had loaned me two tapes that she had gotten from her daughter. These tapes were from a ladies' retreat at her daughter's church. Cynthia Brubaker, a very dear friend of mine, was the speaker. She very powerfully--through Scripture and through life examples painted a picture of the beauty of thanksgiving.
Twice in one week was enough to get my attention. I don't think God is asking to be thankful for bad things. Sickness, calamity, pain, and death were not God's idea at all. They are a result of sinful mankind. He created a world of perfection. But God, the great Redeemer, can redeem these bad things for His glory. It is in those things that we can always give thanks.
I haven't bought my notebook yet. I haven't been to the store. But I want to develop the habit of gratitude in my life. So I will start by naming five things I am grateful for today.
1. My daughter, Maria. She set her alarm and got up and made me breakfast in bed because she knew I wasn't feeling well. Then she cleaned up the messy kitchen.
2. Rain. We desperately needed it. We got a little over an inch in the last 24 hours.
3. My friend, Kim, who calls me often to see how I am doing, or if I need anything.
4. My prayer warriors--you all who have prayed for me. You often check up on me to see how things are going.
5. For God's grace that takes me through each day.
6. I just have to add one more--Aunt Cora just walked in the door with 5 loaves of freshly baked 100% whole wheat bread.
Now a brief update on my health. They changed my medication. I had my fifth round of chemo on Thursday. The first few days I felt terrific. But by Saturday night the picture had changed. I get to deal with a whole set of side effects. I still don't feel like running a marathon, but I do feel a bit better then I did the last several days, so hopefully, things are looking up!
5 treatments down and 3 to go!!!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Tests--Passed and Failed
Thursday I had my fourth round of chemo--YEAH!! That means I am officially 1/2 done with chemo. They will start me on another round of chemo drugs for the next half. That means no more Adreimisum (I am sure that is spelled wrong, but I can't find Bill's drug book), or the "Red Devil" drug as they call it in the infusion clinic. It is aptly so named because of its side effects, but it has also done a wonderful job in shrinking my mass. I will gladly deal with those if it heals my body.
Now to the tests I was referring to in my title. On one my scans they thought they saw an abnormality on the base of my tongue that they felt should be checked out. So on Thursday I went to yet another Dr. to get this done. The intern came in first and tried to get all the background info she could and to do an initial exam. I warned her that I have a very sensitive gag reflex, and wan't sure how this would go. First she tried to exam the area with a tongue depressor with no success. I won't bore you with the details. Then she tried her gloved hands. That was even a greater disaster. I confess, I think I may have even clamped down on her finger briefly. I was so embarrassed. I am afraid that chalked up as a test failed. When the Dr. came in, he tried very briefly. He quickly resorted to having a tube with a camera stuck through my nose. They were able to do the exam. Everything looked perfectly normal. I passed that test.
I admit--I was a bit of a grump this time around. It was hard to go in there and go through this all again. I felt like I failed the test of cheerfulness, especially around my poor hubby, and he was trying to be so supportive. But I felt like he blew it when the nurse said we will have to wait a while to see the Dr. as she is doing a bone marrow biopsy, and it will be awhile. I thought she said she was going to give me a bone marrow biopsy. Right after she walked out the door, Bill told me how horribly those things hurt. "You ask anyone who has them and they are very painful." I thanked him for his "fine" encouragement. It wasn't until about 20 minutes later that we discovered the misunderstanding. We had our first good laugh for the day. The infusion itself went quite well, and we got home a half hour earlier we ever had before.
This past week has been a good reality check for me. In my world of friends and acquaintances, there are so many needs--some of are carrying much bigger burdens then I am bearing. As I pray for them, I often ask for God to give them grace. He promised to give it at the measure it is needed. That is such a comfort. We personally have felt the reality of that promise. Some of them need so much right now.
Now to the tests I was referring to in my title. On one my scans they thought they saw an abnormality on the base of my tongue that they felt should be checked out. So on Thursday I went to yet another Dr. to get this done. The intern came in first and tried to get all the background info she could and to do an initial exam. I warned her that I have a very sensitive gag reflex, and wan't sure how this would go. First she tried to exam the area with a tongue depressor with no success. I won't bore you with the details. Then she tried her gloved hands. That was even a greater disaster. I confess, I think I may have even clamped down on her finger briefly. I was so embarrassed. I am afraid that chalked up as a test failed. When the Dr. came in, he tried very briefly. He quickly resorted to having a tube with a camera stuck through my nose. They were able to do the exam. Everything looked perfectly normal. I passed that test.
I admit--I was a bit of a grump this time around. It was hard to go in there and go through this all again. I felt like I failed the test of cheerfulness, especially around my poor hubby, and he was trying to be so supportive. But I felt like he blew it when the nurse said we will have to wait a while to see the Dr. as she is doing a bone marrow biopsy, and it will be awhile. I thought she said she was going to give me a bone marrow biopsy. Right after she walked out the door, Bill told me how horribly those things hurt. "You ask anyone who has them and they are very painful." I thanked him for his "fine" encouragement. It wasn't until about 20 minutes later that we discovered the misunderstanding. We had our first good laugh for the day. The infusion itself went quite well, and we got home a half hour earlier we ever had before.
This past week has been a good reality check for me. In my world of friends and acquaintances, there are so many needs--some of are carrying much bigger burdens then I am bearing. As I pray for them, I often ask for God to give them grace. He promised to give it at the measure it is needed. That is such a comfort. We personally have felt the reality of that promise. Some of them need so much right now.
Monday, July 9, 2007
Happy Anniversary to Us!!
Saturday we went to Bill's nephew's wedding. It was good to hear another good wedding sermon. It was also great to see a lot of his family and to interact with them again.
I was feeling especially nostalgic about the wedding because our anniversary was yesterday.
It is wonderful being married to such a kind, thoughtful, helpful, loving man. Oh, and did I mention he is a great leader in our home, and an awesome provider. He takes family responsibilities very seriously. I am blessed abundantly!! Marrying Bill was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I was feeling especially nostalgic about the wedding because our anniversary was yesterday.
It is wonderful being married to such a kind, thoughtful, helpful, loving man. Oh, and did I mention he is a great leader in our home, and an awesome provider. He takes family responsibilities very seriously. I am blessed abundantly!! Marrying Bill was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
GOOD NEWS!!
I went to see my surgeon last week. He gave us some great news. The tumor I have grew very rapidly. It was quite frightening. That is one of the main reasons we decided to go with chemo before surgery. He told us that the mass had shrunk from 8 cm. to 2 cm. after just two rounds of chemo! We are so happy, and so grateful! God is answering so many of your prayers and our prayers. It is a humbling experience. We promised that God would get the glory for whatever He chooses to do. We want to be sure that He indeed does get the glory. He is the Force behind all healing. Join us in thanking Him!!
Switching subjects--My in-laws are here. We had a very enjoyable peak in history yesterday. We went on a drive through the Catlett area. Bill's dad pointed out all kinds of interesting things along the way. That was the farm his father was going to manage when he moved to Catlett. After he found out what the job involved, he decided he couldn't work there afterall. That was the house Uncle Harvey or Uncle Davey or "you name it" lived in or built. This was the farm that his Dad bought. This is the farm that he worked on for four years. He was so disappointed when he got to the place where he and Mom had first lived when they got married. It had been destroyed so they could put in a development. He talked about when Cora was about to be born. He had taken Anna Mary to the hospital. They told him that the baby wasn't going to be born for awhile, and that he needed to go home. He walked all the way from Warrenton to the the other side of Nokesville to go home. As the roads go, that would have been at least 20 miles. I asked him why he didn't call someone to pick him up. He said, "You just didn't do things like that." He said it was a horrible walk because he was sure Anna Mary was going to die in childbirth. She lived, and she went through childbirth twelve more times. I don't know how many fields he plowed, basements he dug, woods he hunted in, in the Catlett area.
I could tell he was feeling a lot of nostalgia and wistfulness of days gone by that you never go back to. So much of his life history is here. A lot of his children and grandchildren are still in the area. Anna Mary (Bill's mother) passed away in 1991. He then married a wonderful lady we call Fannie or Grandma. He now lives in Minnesota and they get back here once or twice or a year.
It makes me wonder what my perspective of life will be when I am 72 years old. We need to live well now, so we can look back with fondness, not regret.
Switching subjects--My in-laws are here. We had a very enjoyable peak in history yesterday. We went on a drive through the Catlett area. Bill's dad pointed out all kinds of interesting things along the way. That was the farm his father was going to manage when he moved to Catlett. After he found out what the job involved, he decided he couldn't work there afterall. That was the house Uncle Harvey or Uncle Davey or "you name it" lived in or built. This was the farm that his Dad bought. This is the farm that he worked on for four years. He was so disappointed when he got to the place where he and Mom had first lived when they got married. It had been destroyed so they could put in a development. He talked about when Cora was about to be born. He had taken Anna Mary to the hospital. They told him that the baby wasn't going to be born for awhile, and that he needed to go home. He walked all the way from Warrenton to the the other side of Nokesville to go home. As the roads go, that would have been at least 20 miles. I asked him why he didn't call someone to pick him up. He said, "You just didn't do things like that." He said it was a horrible walk because he was sure Anna Mary was going to die in childbirth. She lived, and she went through childbirth twelve more times. I don't know how many fields he plowed, basements he dug, woods he hunted in, in the Catlett area.
I could tell he was feeling a lot of nostalgia and wistfulness of days gone by that you never go back to. So much of his life history is here. A lot of his children and grandchildren are still in the area. Anna Mary (Bill's mother) passed away in 1991. He then married a wonderful lady we call Fannie or Grandma. He now lives in Minnesota and they get back here once or twice or a year.
It makes me wonder what my perspective of life will be when I am 72 years old. We need to live well now, so we can look back with fondness, not regret.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Hairy Issues
You guessed it--I don't have hair anymore. When I read in my Bible that God has the hairs on my head numbered, I had to smile. I know that God doesn't need a guage to keep track--but it helped me to picture this room full of gauges called the the Hair Count Room. The day I lost my hair, there must have been a loud whir at my gauge as it whirled wildly back to zero. I know in the grand scheme of things, hair is not life-giving or life sustaining, but it is nice to know that God cares about things like that.
My Dad made a brief visit recently. As he stroked his bald pate, he said very sympathetically, "At least yours will grow back?"
Hair has been a big issue for me. I started getting gray very young. For all you "hair enhanceres"--I feel your pain:). I have been there--done that. I finally decided to give up the fight and let nature take its shocking course. I have finally gotten to the point that gray is okay.
The question is now, what color wig should I get? Or should I even get a wig? Someone suggested I get a red one to match Maria's hair. I believe that would make me smile as I look in the mirror. I am just not sure what to do... Your suggestions please...
They say that when the hair grows back, it often changes texture and even color. Wouldn't that be a riot! I would love to get my dark brown hair back. But if I don't--gray is okay. Afterall, it is definitely better then no hair at all.
It is easier to stay upbeat when you feel great! The last couple of days have been kind of rough. I continue to need your prayers so I can stay focused on God and his abundant grace rather then the temporary discomforts of fighting cancer with chemo.
My Dad made a brief visit recently. As he stroked his bald pate, he said very sympathetically, "At least yours will grow back?"
Hair has been a big issue for me. I started getting gray very young. For all you "hair enhanceres"--I feel your pain:). I have been there--done that. I finally decided to give up the fight and let nature take its shocking course. I have finally gotten to the point that gray is okay.
The question is now, what color wig should I get? Or should I even get a wig? Someone suggested I get a red one to match Maria's hair. I believe that would make me smile as I look in the mirror. I am just not sure what to do... Your suggestions please...
They say that when the hair grows back, it often changes texture and even color. Wouldn't that be a riot! I would love to get my dark brown hair back. But if I don't--gray is okay. Afterall, it is definitely better then no hair at all.
It is easier to stay upbeat when you feel great! The last couple of days have been kind of rough. I continue to need your prayers so I can stay focused on God and his abundant grace rather then the temporary discomforts of fighting cancer with chemo.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Let's Dish
I had a great day yesterday! Several of our friends went together and bought us a bunch of 12 meals (I split the recipes in half, since they were made for six people) at a place called Let's Dish. My friend, Vonnie, and I went together. She was dishing too. The large room you walk into exudes energy. The vibrant lime green and orange walls along with the green aprons and polka dot kerchiefs adorning most people's heads made you want to get right to work. The upbeat music put you into motion too.
There are about twelve work stations set up with a recipe and ingredients for the dish on each work station. You combine the ingredients, and package them in freezer bags. They provide labels with how to prepare them when you get them out of your freezer. They also had a snack bar with drinks and some samples of the desserts they sell. Two hours later I walked out with 24 meals for my freezer, and Vonnie had twelve meals (she has a bigger family). I can't wait to try some of them. They look delicious. We had a great time--definitely a "confetti moment!", as I and some of my friends refer to such occasions. For more details, check out letsdish.com.
Thank you, Dave, Vonnie, Myrna, Merry, Nate, Anne, & Alfy. We are humbled by your generosity.
There are about twelve work stations set up with a recipe and ingredients for the dish on each work station. You combine the ingredients, and package them in freezer bags. They provide labels with how to prepare them when you get them out of your freezer. They also had a snack bar with drinks and some samples of the desserts they sell. Two hours later I walked out with 24 meals for my freezer, and Vonnie had twelve meals (she has a bigger family). I can't wait to try some of them. They look delicious. We had a great time--definitely a "confetti moment!", as I and some of my friends refer to such occasions. For more details, check out letsdish.com.
Thank you, Dave, Vonnie, Myrna, Merry, Nate, Anne, & Alfy. We are humbled by your generosity.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Another Week
This past week was the first official week of summer vacation. Monday was Award's Day and the school picnic. So my official duties with a deadline at school are over. I need to finish the permanent records, clean out my desk, and place the orders for the beginning on next year. Then I will be all done. I decided to take the rest of the week off.
Friday night we went to Warrenton to take family pictures before I lose my hair. Tom and Elsie were our photographers. It was great fun. Warrenton is lovely little town. It reminds us a lot of Brevard--the town we are moving close to in NC.
Two thoughts on the cancer journey--If I don't have any hair, I guess I won't have any bad hair days:) The next is a lot more profound. I was talking to my father-in-law on the phone last night. I told him about a conversation I was having with God. I told the Lord that He will have to get us through this one day at a time, because I don't know how else we will manage. He told me, "That is the only way anyone gets through life, because that is all we have--just one day at a time. Most people just don't realize it."
Have a lovely week!!
Friday night we went to Warrenton to take family pictures before I lose my hair. Tom and Elsie were our photographers. It was great fun. Warrenton is lovely little town. It reminds us a lot of Brevard--the town we are moving close to in NC.
Two thoughts on the cancer journey--If I don't have any hair, I guess I won't have any bad hair days:) The next is a lot more profound. I was talking to my father-in-law on the phone last night. I told him about a conversation I was having with God. I told the Lord that He will have to get us through this one day at a time, because I don't know how else we will manage. He told me, "That is the only way anyone gets through life, because that is all we have--just one day at a time. Most people just don't realize it."
Have a lovely week!!
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